My heart is full.....ode to mom :0)

I have been thinking ... alot lately about life ... about family... about trials things that we trudge through thinking our world is literally crumbling around us only to be brought to the realization this is normal. We are not picked on .... we are not cursed ..... or unlucky for that matter... I have many times labeled myself as this unlucky one the one everything happens too.... Yes oh man we have gone through many many trials sometimes it seems they are so much larger and harder then others but then I look at others that I would in no way want to switch places with.

We are prepared as a young child for what comes into our future. I think about watching my mother you see we never got along never saw eye to eye. We said hurtful things and fought many nights. It was hard but on the flip side I dont think my mother realizes the things that I pulled from her and how she shaped me in ways I dont think she realizes. First of all I am adopted it is well known I have always known since day one that I had a biological mother but my mom never batted an eye when introducing me as HER daughter she shaped me to have a very positive outlook on adoption and made me want to adopt someday. When I was older and told it would be hard for me to have children I never batted an eye because I knew it would be the same luckily I was blessed enough to be very able to have my beautiful children but I have a very warm place for adoption. Next my mother is smart I mean like beyond smart she takes great pride in her education and teaching. She taught children with disabilites for as long as I can remember and I was able to help and be around those children frequently opening my heart to them it was never an ackward thing to be around children with disabilities I thought they were special and protected and that made me love them more. Then low and behold I give birth to my 3rd baby and at 18 months he is diagnosed with autism... did I crumble absolutely I cried and got mad that I was "picked on" I had many doctors and counselers and therapist throwing words and names and labels at me it was hard. Thankfully I was prepared from my childhood and you know what turns out my baby boy has made MILES of progress and he is the absolute joy and love of my life. He is that big sweet teddy bear that loves without control those he bonds with he never forgets it has been months since he saw his grandpa or pepaw and he still asks where he is and misses him. So there Mom look at that look how you have shaped me we still don't always see eye to eye but here I am a mother of almost 5 gorgeous children married for all eternity to the love of my life. I am grateful I was sent to you and dad it was hard yes but you know what if that was what I had to do all these trials I have gone through and will continue to go through well it is worth it .... because in the end I have my beautiful family all of whom I love. We get in fights, we hurt, we say hurtful things, but then we forgive and have a beautiful knowledge that we have grown. Throughout these 2 years if I can say anything about it all to sum it up it would be that I have grown more then I could have ever thought. We were sent to Portland for a reason... I am in Rexburg Idaho for a reason we are all entertwined in the complex beautiful plan and I am so thankful..... so there it is me spilling my guts in ode to mothers day or maybe its just a brief moment of clarity in this crazy thing we call life. I want all to know I am so grateful for my life my family and the beautiful gospel without my savior I would not have made it these past 2 years I know he listened to me when I was hurting I know he is there to pick up the pieces he is there plain and simple.