Tuesday, June 29, 2010

New State ...New Place...

whos got the bigger belly ? ;0) def me!

We are finally here in the great state of Washington
It was quite the journey to get here mind you.... Jesse and I woke up around 3am on Sunday morning to try and make descent time to Washington. Between the 4 kiddos and a big pregnant lady it was a LONG day! The doctor told me I needed to stop every 2 to 3 hours to stretch and walk around but even with doing that my feet were probably twice the size by the time we got into our new home sweet home that night.. We did run into some horrible traffic there was a older Ford truck hauling a NICE and pretty new toy hauler that must have burst into flames and lit the whole moutainside on fire. The truck and trailer were completely destroyed I hope the people all made it out safely. We were able to make it to the Nys house around 6ish and thank heavens they had a delicious dinner waiting for us. So we basicially ate and ran because we were anxious to get all set up in our new quarters for the next 5 weeks.
We are staying at the Days Inn it is literally in the parking lot of a huge mall my own personal temptation right there staring at me everyday ha ha its ok though after selling so many things to get money to last us until Jesse gets a job I really dont have alot of desire to go spend any money. One of those benefits of learning and sacrafice I supposse.
We have been enjoying our motel though the room is a pretty good size it has a pool and hot tub that are pretty nice and its quiet so Jesse can study every free second he has. Most importantly it is SO nice to be with my husband I have missed him so much and the further I have gotten along pregnancy wise the more emotional I was getting being all alone.
We were also able to take new family pictures thanks to my amazing sissys they came out and did a phenomonal job taking pictures and catching the essence of US and we got a few really good ones shows our growth in so many ways!
Other then that life is good we may be in a tiny room but we are together as a family and I think my children can attest that we dont mind being in the small quarters the important thing is that we are all TOGETHER they have missed there dad so much and I have missed my other half so I am so thankful that we are able to be together this last rotation and for graduation wahooooo we are almost done!!!! more to come later!!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

To My Three Fathers.....


my kiddos special swings they still about to this day!So happy that their Pepaw made them their OWN swing at his house!

I am sitting here alone late at night thinking about the importance of tomarrow.....
The celebration of fathers around the world takes place and I get the pleasure and the privilage to think of the three fathers that I personally have in my life and feel so blessed to know them and to love them.
Of course my first father is my daddy....yep I call him Daddy Im a grown woman with almost 5 kiddos but you know what I still call him that. Growing up we did NOT see eye to eye however we did still have our special times and moments. I learned alot from him he was a hard worker I remember from such a young age him working so hard so that we could have a comfortable lifestyle.... I remember when he was a janitor at the schools I would LOVE to go play in this ball pit and he would buy me a soda the kinds that came in the glass bottles and we would sit and talk if he had time and he would ask me about my day and he was just my daddy then..... and as a small child my best friend..... I remember he would bring me home books that I would just DEVOUR I loved to read with such a passion there were very few times my dad would tell me no on a book and with that wonderful gift I am able to read very fast and whats better comprehend it.... It is one talent I have developed that my husband envies so thank you dad thank you for that wonderful gift. Fast forward growing up my dad meets my future husband and at the tender age of 18 he lets his baby girl go to this man and get married.... He didnt know Jesse very well then but I think in his heart he has always loved him and now I am so happy to say that I consider my Daddy one of my closest friends that I have.... I love our talks on the phone I love hearing about his day and his jewelary and his cute lil puppies....and now my wonderful babies get to love my dad and call him Pepaw and they LOVE LOVE their Pepaw and miss him SO much.... So dad my heart is with you today you were the first man in my life the one who started it all and I love you .... I love how you love and care for me and even to this day when I get in a pinch you are there to help pick me up along with mom I am so blessed Happy Fathers Day I wish I was there baking you some dinner kicking back and watching some moview......
So now to the second father in my life my father in law..... I think it was hard for him when I started dating Jesse. He had seen his beloved son get his heart broken and was unsure of a new girl in his life. So we worked through our relationship and I will never forget how he welcomed me into his open arms as a father the day that my love and I were sealed in the temple. It was with such power and love it still remains one of my favorite memories that I have with him. He has taught me so many things that I never even thought I would have wanted to know and has shown me the many beauties of nature and animals and eh hem....motorbiking trails and I am forever grateful for that. The thing I treasure most about this great man is that he has risen the most amazing son he has taught him many admirable and wonderful traits that I adore in Jesse and I am eternally grateful to him for this. I will love him till the end of time because he is a part of my eternal family and more directly he is part of my husband. So thank you Happy Fathers Day I am so glad I get to celebrate with you. Thank you for helping Jesse and I on this insanely difficult journey of life and more recently PA school you have helped in so many ways and shown so much kindness I am so eternally grateful to you.
Then of course there is the third father of my life .... which of course is my love the man I am with forever and always. I have never been more thankful for a man that is so generous, kind, and loving as he is. He is literally the most kind and patient man with our children he loves them with no restraint. He is what I would picture for the perfect dad and I am SO thankful that I am able to watch this and be his wife throughout this journey of parenthood. The only thing that makes me happier is that he is my companion through life he is my best friend, my love, my confidant, and my guardian.... I love him with every ounce in my soul.....
There is one more group of fathers to mention this fine and wonderful day... they are the men that were so father like to me growing up and even now. There were a few special men in my life that I so looked up to and admired them and still do. There are men to this day that show me different merits of life that cannot be shown anyway else but by example. So here is to all you fathers out there I love you thank you and HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

It is just one of those days....

I woke up today to screaming
That is how my day started.... followed in rapid order 2 beds that had been peed in a girl who had ripped off her nighttime diaper and peed on the floor and a little 3 year old boy pitching a fit on the floor due the starvation he was apparently under going before my very eyes....
Then Kyran felt that to stop that hitting would be the best option so he hit him and walked away really proud of himself until he saw that I had witnessed this event. That is when he said IT WAS AN ACCIDEDNT!!! ok Kyro how was it an accident.... MY HAND SLIPPED...... did it now...... grrrrr so as I walk him to timeout so I can take my own timeout seeing as how this all happened in a period of 10 minuets and already I wanted to crawl in bed and transport to some beach where there were no screaming children outside and one very active kicking baby inside. Breathing ....breathing some more so then talk to the hubby and thats when the waves of just lonely sad feelings come and just hit me and I cry I cry like I had never cried till I made myself sick......
Sooo that was my morning I decided it was a day to ask for help but unfortunately that did not work out people were busy and to be frank I can be a bit stubborn asking for help. I do not want to impose on anyone ever or make them feel used or anything like that .... So I suck it up that was followed by naptime and then miracle upon miracle my close friend calls and comes to the rescue. She didnt even hesitate she just said she was coming over .... then another friend calls a few times in a row worried about me.... and I feel this wonderful feeling of love. I know I have the love of my family and I am so thankful for that but sometimes it is so wonderful to have those friends that are literally your family as well.... That KNOW when something is wrong they hear it in your voice and see it on your face they know all your signals. Almost as much as your husband and for some strange reason it makes you feel close to him. So thank you to the friends that stepped out today warmed my heart and soul and made this day bearable and even fun. I love you all and appreciate your prayers in this last little bit of the journey.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Trip to COLORADO!!!

COLORADO TRIP 2010!!!!!!!!

My babies!!!

So I am sure if you are on facebook you saw that we took a big trip to Colorado with Jesse and stayed with him while he worked away.....
It was a charming little house just about 900 sq feet VERY cozy for 6 plus one roomate later on... one thing about Colorado that I had forgotten (don't as me HOW I had forgotten but I did...) It is HOTTER THEN HADES!!! and after having a rather cool summer here in Idaho (thank you thank you thank you!! my pregnant body thanks you Idaho!) going from 50's and 60's to 95 degrees everyday was a HUGE change so needless to say I lived on popsicles right along with the kiddos.
We got to do so many fun things while we were there since Jesse was working 6pm-3 am hed come home and sleep till about 8:30-9:00am and we would go play for the rest of the day.
One adventure we took off to the mountains we didn't really know where we were going but ended up at this mountain trail called "Gunnison Trails" so we decided to take a leisurely walk (ha ha ha leisurely walk in 95 degree weather yeah right....) so we walk around the base and start the slow climb and noticed on our sides lizards just darting everywhere the boys were THRILLED! so then we started climbing up rocks getting higher and higher I admit it I was having to much fun to notice how high we were getting and the views were INCREDIBLE. I didnt stop to see how far I had come till we saw a couple that passed us and the girl said you are one BRAVE lady. I turned around and saw how high we were and decided I had gone far enough ....but of course my boys had to go to the top so Riya and I hung out in the shade while they finished up. Going up is SO SO much easier then coming down I forget that seeing my feet is difficult these days! after that we headed home .....
Oh my that was a steeep climb for such a big belly!!!
Next adventure was DINOSAUR QUARRY! they had dug out a few dinosaurs here and we were anxious to see the old mines and the remaining fossil bits. It was suppossed to be about 1 mile but ended up more like 2 miles with our big stroller we had to come up with some creative ways to get around some of the rougher trail... thank heavens for my man I was so scared when he had the stroller like that I stood at the bottom in case he slipped so I could grab them before they hit the steeper part but PHEW all went well and we all went home and enjoyed some ice cream GREAT DAY!!!

He had it all under control but still....

Do you see Jesse and the stroller I was flipping out .... my babies were in there!

Dinosaur quarry climbed up this big rock and were "flying"
Then came the great lizard hunt... the boys just begged us to go back and catch some lizards so of course we had to go back..... With strawberry containers in hand Jesse and I snuck up and managed to catch 3 huge lizards one which unfortunately escaped when our stroller tipped over. The boys named them Pheneus and Ferb and we had so much fun watching them eat and hang out.... After a few days though we decided to return them back to nature and the boys were so sad but understood...

This is Ferb

and then here is Pheneus.
Our final hike was to the Rattlesnake Arches... I had read the trail guide and it had said it was pretty easy going so for me big ole prego lady that sounded great! We start out on Sunday we thought it was a easy trail so it would be a leisurely day oh boy.... then we drove some more and some more.... and these roads were not nice roads some straight up verticle putting out Yukon in 4 wheel drive roads! after 3 hours of driving we finally get to the trail head and I am hurting a little bit hard to balance yourself in a big old car like that with a baby kicking you from the inside and the road kickin your bum from the outside. We take this beautiful hike and it is fairly easy and GORGEOUS this is where we got the arch pictures I would love to do it again... when not pregnant that is! on the way back in went faster but I started contracting fairly regular so we got home got me my meds and luckily they stopped pretty fast once I was out of the car PHEW won't do that again! but the memories we made were priceless I will always remember this trip it was amazing!

He really is so handsome Im so dang lucky!

Then there was the roomate that came back.... he wasn't suppossed to be back we don't even know why he was there really.... he was the weirdest guy EVER and a slight alcoholic on top of it .... now I have no problem with what people do I really try not to judge but please don't come home reaking of alcohol to a pregnant lady while telling her you are perfectly capable of driving home when you cannot even stand up straight much less miss that wall you hit smack on. I have known to many people who have lost their lives driving drunk or being hit by a drunk and that heartache is not worth it YOU should know this DOCTOR grrrr ......
Anyhoo the last night we had a long conversation about what he wants to do with his life which is quite nobel he wants to implement health care into schools from kindergarten till graduation so people are not so clueless about things they DO have control over especially the big one we are faced with these days obesity .... he was telling me the facts (I think) and they are staggering he said our young children are getting diabetes in elementary school our kids are getting STD's in ELEMENTARY school good gracious I almost passed out. After making a mental note to have a long talk with Landon SOON I bid him goodnight and wished him well. He did his stuff and I headed to the bathroom because Im pregnant and thats what I do.... walk in and SLIPPPP! oh man ....please dont tell me ..... yep this guy peed on the floor not just a lil bit ALOT so after cleaning up DOCTORS pee and taking a scalding hot shower grumbling the whole time I went to bed. Next morning it was SO hard not to mention my horrifying incident in the bathroom but I was polite sigh.... seriously what a way to end out the vacation right!
So all in all GREAT MEMORIES and GREAT TIMES and most importantly I was able to hang out with my handsome man .... I am so proud of him I look and see how he has grown during all this intense schooling and heart swells with pride. We are SO close to graduation and moving onto the next step. The house, with the white picket fence, a few dogs, a million kids (this is my fantasy not yours ha ha) and I am SO anxious and feel so blessed we get to graduate and shortly after welcome our sweet baby girl into the world how lucky are we! so here is to vacations, stories, lizards, and hopefully surviving to the end!!!

you know we snuck in time to check out the local mall and shops! ahhh so fun to have a girl!!!

What can I say.... he's my man and I love him to pieces! even with this face ;0)

Saturday, June 12, 2010

oh my heart was breaking!
There he is with his backwards sling...

2nd kiddo to the ER...

Well it happened... again..... I honestly thought it would be lil Kyran that ended up in the hospital again before the others but no.... little Zade thought he would be a daredevil and go there..... What happened? I know thats what I had to ask since I was not there to witness the actual event all I had was my 7 year olds explanation of how it all went down.
It all started with a trampoline (dang you trampoline all these years with no broken bones and injuries and now that record is ruined!) I hear some crying but that is a normal thing and then Landon screaming for me to come. So I booked it out there and Kyran is crying even harder I assume it is him that is hurt but no it is Kyran that had caused the wreck. Apparently they were wrestling Kyran grabbed Zades wrist twisted it and all 2 boys fell on Zade and Landon heard a funny noise. That was followed with a brief explanation how a dog was barking in the distance oh how I love kiddos explanations of everything.
Zade was trying to be tough but by the time I got him off the trampoline he was just sobbing that I am hurt bad kind of sobbing..... I almost teared up myself carried him inside that is when I noticed him clutching his lil arm and it was swelling up FAST! So we got some ice and I asked him to move his arm no luck and arm is still swelling so we pack it up and call Hiedi and then Katy and Jedd. Thank HEAVENS Katy came to the rescue it would have been NO fun to drag all 4 kiddos to the ER so she took two and I took Kyran so he could see what being so rough with his brothers and sisters could cause. So off we go and of COURSE the ER is just packed with people but they get Zade right in and he is still just sobbing.... His arm is just swollen and red they are almost positive it is broken won't give us meds for him to help because they are thinking he may need surgery. So we wait....and wait.....and then some more waiting I think 2 or 2 ambulances came in while we were there they get him xrayed and say well he may or may not have a fractured wrist. So they cast him up in a special splint and the PA student who did it was so busy asking me about jobs that I had found for Jesse he started putting the casting on backwards grrrrrrrr. I asked him to please pay attention to my child they got that on he started putting his sling on backwards so he had to redo that .... so finally we are done and Zade is just screaming and the doctor turns and says "If it was me Id be drinking a gallon of whiskey tonight" I was not a happy girl with that comment and replyed if his arm hadn't been messed with so much he would probably not be screaming so much. So we left with a very sad Zade and gathered the kiddos and went home. Zade didnt sleep much at all that night he was in so much pain it broke my heart but the night after he did so much better and now he had discovered he can use his arm as a weapon so I think all in all he is tickled pink with his new accessory.
I am so thankful it was just that and it keeps me humbled as to my children are my life in all ways they come first. I would have gladly given my arm up for Zade but unfortunatley I could not do that and makes me think about the future. How my kids are all gonna hurt and have their hearts broken I will want to take it for them but will not be able to much like all parents. Including our Heavenly Father he sees us all hurt and go through painful experiences both physically, emotionally, and spiritually but he gives us the greatest gift and lets us grow from them how we will. While that may be bitterness and resentment that we grow or if we think it through it is love an forgiveness and the sweet calm and purity that grow with it slowly but surely if we let it. So here we go kiddos yes go play and be kids try not to hurt one another but if you do I am here to fix you physically and help heal that hurt heart but ultimately if I can show you to turn to your Father in heaven for the healing of your soul I will be a success as a mother and will rest easy.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

My angelic kiddos....

So here I am again this pregnant lady alone with my loving husband away at work and the kiddos all put to bed. I look at them and I am convinced that they are perfect little angels and sigh and think THIS right here is why I do it everyday. I get up early and give them breakfast and clean them and love them even when they are stinkers right here I know that God gave me 4 angels that will be someone. They will always be a son to me, they will be a brother or sister, they will be a grandson, they will be a husband, and whoever it is that they will become it will be great.
Then there is that overwhelming thought of my part in what they become will I guide them? will I push them in the correct way or come off to harsh or smothering..... will they remember the tender moments that I loved them and told stories to them or will they remember when I was weak and yelled at them or became angry at them. I look back on my own upbringing and remember the good and the bad and what I want to take from those experiences and make into my own parenting style. Then I take a deep breath and thank heaven that I have such a good and wonderful man that is by my side to calm me down and be an example in his own way and I know he thinks the same things.
Then I take it a step further and think about my Heavenly Father was he this frantic does he still think the same things when we are in bed not wreaking havoc out in the world? He loves every single one of us with all his heart I know he does I have felt it and I will never deny that. Does he think hopefully Heather will do better tomarrow it will be a fresh start and she will start out right and rested as I so often think about with my own children... Will she remember what I have taught her will she listen to that small voice in her heart or will she be stubborn and push the harder way through this particular lesson. I think of the hard times I have been through and how I have handled them and I have the startling realization that my children have apparently learned more then me. When someone hits or pushes them they forgive almost instantly can I say that? no it has taken me months and years to forgive some that have hurt me... When I make a mistake I constantly think about it over and over in my head replaying it and getting mad at myself for making that mistake. My darling children make a mistake and when they realize it will come and apologize, give kisses and hugs, and go on their merry little way usually learning.
So here I am thinking about my children and how I can teach them and I realize it is them that have taught me in the ultimate way...... The way of the Savior there is a reason that he said "Be like the little children" if only we would simplify our thinking and lives we can become more like them and him all at once. So now I am smiling because I have 4 beautiful angels that are more like the savior then I and one on the way.... Perhaps the reason I have so many children is because I need that many examples in my life..... I love you Landon, Kyran, Zade, Riya, and Baby Girl thank you for being the inspiration and beautiful examples to me that you are.