My angelic kiddos....

So here I am again this pregnant lady alone with my loving husband away at work and the kiddos all put to bed. I look at them and I am convinced that they are perfect little angels and sigh and think THIS right here is why I do it everyday. I get up early and give them breakfast and clean them and love them even when they are stinkers right here I know that God gave me 4 angels that will be someone. They will always be a son to me, they will be a brother or sister, they will be a grandson, they will be a husband, and whoever it is that they will become it will be great.

Then there is that overwhelming thought of my part in what they become will I guide them? will I push them in the correct way or come off to harsh or smothering..... will they remember the tender moments that I loved them and told stories to them or will they remember when I was weak and yelled at them or became angry at them. I look back on my own upbringing and remember the good and the bad and what I want to take from those experiences and make into my own parenting style. Then I take a deep breath and thank heaven that I have such a good and wonderful man that is by my side to calm me down and be an example in his own way and I know he thinks the same things.

Then I take it a step further and think about my Heavenly Father was he this frantic does he still think the same things when we are in bed not wreaking havoc out in the world? He loves every single one of us with all his heart I know he does I have felt it and I will never deny that. Does he think hopefully Heather will do better tomarrow it will be a fresh start and she will start out right and rested as I so often think about with my own children... Will she remember what I have taught her will she listen to that small voice in her heart or will she be stubborn and push the harder way through this particular lesson. I think of the hard times I have been through and how I have handled them and I have the startling realization that my children have apparently learned more then me. When someone hits or pushes them they forgive almost instantly can I say that? no it has taken me months and years to forgive some that have hurt me... When I make a mistake I constantly think about it over and over in my head replaying it and getting mad at myself for making that mistake. My darling children make a mistake and when they realize it will come and apologize, give kisses and hugs, and go on their merry little way usually learning.

So here I am thinking about my children and how I can teach them and I realize it is them that have taught me in the ultimate way...... The way of the Savior there is a reason that he said "Be like the little children" if only we would simplify our thinking and lives we can become more like them and him all at once. So now I am smiling because I have 4 beautiful angels that are more like the savior then I and one on the way.... Perhaps the reason I have so many children is because I need that many examples in my life..... I love you Landon, Kyran, Zade, Riya, and Baby Girl thank you for being the inspiration and beautiful examples to me that you are.