Ahhh yes I am still alive.....hatw

This is me after losing a bit of weight..... much more to go! and more pics to come of halloween lots of the pics are on facebook though....... so friend me and look at those pics ;0)
After a recent request to update my blog I thought it must be high time to do so :0)

Sooooo last time I blogged we were waiting for the big test.....and.......welll....... we are still waiting for the big test...again. Jesse missed passing his test by about 3 questions. I will never forget that time in my life that was now 2 months ago but still is fresh in my heart and my mind. Seeing the word fail is never something you want to experience after going through years of school. In Jesses case he was so sleep deprived with a new baby fresh out of the NICU and a very very sick wife. So basically for the next month we were absolutely lost, depressed, and well lost. We had a very close and wonderful friend of ours offer us a apartment in Rexburg so that we could continue with our plans to rent our house. As we were packing for that we decided to write the company Jesse had originally gotten hired for and then lost the job after he had not passed. We asked them to reconsider us and that we loved their facility it happened to be when we had sent the email they were in a meeting discussing us and wanting to offer Jesse the job again in November but since we had written they decided to have us come to Boise to work part time so by the time Jesse passes the test he would be all ready to go.

So with that we were off to Boise ..... and here we are! we love it here it is beautiful weather and the mountains are amazing. We are crammed into a little rental home but we do enjoy it our ward here is amazing and I have to say I have met some amazing people here that I hope to stay friends with always. Other then that I stay busy working out (constantly) taking care of the kiddos and trying to eat as clean as possible thus far I have lost about 10 pds and around 10 inches wahooo just started on the journey of getting healthy but look forward to the rest of it its very hard but its def a growing experience.....

So what are the new plans you ask..... well the test....again but this time he will pass I just know it it is in 3 weeks so all prayers are welcome. After that...well there is a beautiful home that we have our eye on and are quite serious about it has 5 acres and is open and beautiful we are excited for the future. However, I have learned so many important lessons. First I have to trust more it stunk to not pass the test but honestly we are in a whole lot better place then we would have been. I have learned to trust my Heavenly Father a whole lot more I thought I was this strong faithful person but I absolutely lost all faith their for a few days and I was so mad..... I know better now being mad doesnt fix anything it actually just made it a TON worse. Third I need to live more in the NOW to an extent my kids are growing so fast and if I just keep looking forward to the tomarrows Im gonna miss the todays and I do not want to look back and regret that. How grateful I am for my husband and children they are absolutely my life and have been there every step of the way they have wiped my tears, given me non stop hugs, and been there they are truly my greatest joy in life. How blessed I am to have such wonderful family and friends. I sincerely thank you all for the words of support and encouragement they were a light in the darkness and I love you for it. So onward we go with faith love and happiness hoping this time around there is another story to tell of joy and happiness and new beginnings.

In Remembrance.....

It has now been 2 years since one of the most amazing people I have known in this life has passed onto that great beyond...... I will never forget that day....I will never forget the sadness but at the same time it brought into focus what is important in my life. Number one the gospel the knowledge that I know there is more to this life after we pass. I felt it in my heart I felt that sweet spirit that he was at peace and comfortable after years of pain. I knew he loved each and everyone of us, I was his Heather Girl that was my name and I will treasure that memory of everytime I would greet him hello he would ask how his Heather Girl was doing.... He accepted Jesse so openly in someways I felt he knew how wonderful Jesse was for me... he showed examples of service and kindness in all he did, he showed me what a great marriage could look like in 50 years and beyond. I was around 13 when I sang at his 50th anniversary never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would be singing the same song at his funeral years later.

Then I look around at this beautiful family I have with my amazing wonderful husband I have 5 kids sealed to my love and I forever. He has met everyone of my children 3 in this life and 2 in a previous time and place I know he is aware of us all and he loves each and everyone of us. Most of all his darling wife my amazing Grandma how blessed I am to have such an example and I will forever remember him and strive to have an attitude half as good as his. I will cherish every memory that I have of him and I will pass on those treasured stories that I have to my children so that they to will feel as though they know him because I know deep in their hearts all 5 of them do. I love you Grandpa I will never forget what you taught me Thank You for your fine example I know you have helped one soul plant her feet firmly on gospel sod and I know that one day I will meet with you again.

Tayla Heather Mumm is HERE!!!

More pictures to come...

TAYLA HEATHER MUMM

BORN AUGUST 18TH 2010

WEIGHING 5 POUNDS 8 OZ

BORN VIA CSECTION 10:03PM

Well everyone.... as most of you have probably heard our little Tayla Mumm was born! she made her entrance on August 18th, 2010 at 10:03pm via csection due to labor commencing and not being able to stop it. So here is the official story on that ......

Jesse had been going to the library everyday to get as much studying done as possible and would leave me home with the 4 kids to try and relax and keep this baby in. He was originally scheduled to take the test September 1st but that has obviously changed now. Anyways that morning I started contracting I would take a tributaline and they would stop of a little bit but then come back stronger and stronger. By the time I called Jesse at 4 to tell him to come home I was pretty sure this was it. We called up Jesses parents and whisked the kids away to their house and got to the hospital asap. Got all hooked up and checked out and I had dialated to 2cm and was thinning out.. They gave me more tributaline and alot of other drugs to get me to relax and handle the contractions but never got them stopped so they decided to do the csection.

I was rolled in around 9:30 and as you know I had been dreading the spinal tap from the day I had gotten pregnant lucky for me though it was AMAZING no pain really at all. He was just awesome they all knew Jesse in there and even joked about having him come assist with the surgery I was like ummm NO he can stay here holding my hand he helped make this baby after all. I remember looking at the clock at around 9:55 and really starting to feel the pressure of them getting little Tayla out Jesse kept standing up to see and then at 10:03 I heard the most beautiful loud cry of my adorable baby girl. It was absolutely magical I love that feeling of life entering the world and we thought with her loud cries she was going to be ok..... but well it is us The Mumms right so we have to do things the hard way I suppose sooooo unfortunately off to the NICU she went. She had some cloudiness in her lungs and so they let us know she had develped pneumonia which was just devestating I cannot express how guilty I felt not being able to hold a single one of my babies in long enough to not have to endure the NICU I really thought I was going to make it with Tayla but alas it was not meant to be. On a interesting side note when they did my csection they told me my uterus was incredibly thin and worn out (go figure 5 babies in 7 years will do that I guess) so Jesse and I think my body signaled and we saved ourselves alot more trouble in the long run with Tayla being early instead of say my uterus rupturing.

So as of today Tayla has been in the NICU for 13 days it has been insanely hard as we are juggling 4 children, Jesse preparing for his PANCE test, packing up our house to move, and at the same time trying to sell our house and buy another. I do not think I have ever been so stressed out as I have been in the last 2 weeks. We did make an offer on the house of our dreams unfortunately 2 other people thought it was the house of their dreams and made offers before we could get ours in so we will hope and pray that it is in fact the house that we are meant to be in. With all the insanity I am so very grateful to so many people the family and friends that have upheld us with all of our trials, the ward has been amazing planning dinners and babysitting for us, and of course my Heavenly Father who has kept his ever watchful eye over us.

It is so hard for me to once again to understand why I will never have the chance to hold one of my children in my arms after birth. It may be something I struggle with forever but all in all I know that he is watching over me, he knows me, he has listened to me, he has listened to my frustrations and sadness, and after it is all said and done and all of those feelings are let out I have never walked away feeling sad or angry I walk away with this special peace in my heart that he has heard me and understands my pain and that there is a lesson in this experience. So I will trust him and love him and have faith that he knows what he is doing....while it is not how I would have it he knows all....period I trust in his masterful plan I have seen it work miracles and in the end little Tayla will soon be in our loving arms at home where she belongs and right now that is all I could possibly ask for. So please keep those prayers going for us we need them in all aspects we want our little girl home and want her daddy to pass his test we love you all and are so grateful for the love, support, and help you have been to us. Bless you all and know we will never forget the kindness and will always strive to pass it on.

Well the graduation is over......now what?

It was so HOT Riya would not part with her shades!
Do you see the pregnant glow...ok thats actually sweat SOOO HOTHE DID IT!!!!!!!

Thats my HANDSOME graduate!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We have finished.....

Seriously after all this time we are DONE .... well pretty much done Jesse has yet to take his big test but after that DONE DONE DONE.... we have the degree....we have the award.... yeah thats right Jesse got a special award ha ha ha.... ready for this RIP VAN WINKLE award ha ha ha he got a special blindfold and pillow for his sleeping efforts in class :0) but you know what he must have absorbed something all those times he fell asleep on his computer.

The Graduation was amazing I always used to laugh at people who cried at graduation because my thoughts were this is BORING why are you tearing up at THIS. Ok now I know why the hardships the trials and the sacrafices we have made as a family is why people tear up. We have given up a father we have given up a husband for basically 2 years. He has been here but not fully ours and when Landon turned to me and said, "Mom does this mean we get our daddy back now?!?" I almost lost it.....then they had this great bagpiper to lead this whole huge procession of graduates and as Jesse walked by Riya and Zade ripped away from me and ran to hug their daddy and that is when the tears came. There were a few people who were touched by the moment especially Jesses classmates they knew how hard it had been for us.

To watch my husband walk across that stage get hooded and take that diploma I have never been so proud of him with the kids screaming 'GOOOO DADDY WAHOOOOO" it was hot! ( like around one hundred degrees!) but it was worth it to see him walk worth every penny worth every hard day in that hotel it was THE END of this incredible journey.

So who are we now..... well we are graduates of this program, we are the parents of 5 beautiful children (no lil Tayla has not made her appearance but we are a few weeks away from welcoming her to our family) We are SURVIVORS yes thats right we survived this insane rollercoaster of emotions, trials, errors, high points, and low points.... we have made incredible friends and even met some family we never knew existed I have always wanted sisters who knew I would find them in Portland Oregon how touched I have been by them their kindness and their stories they have made me a better person all around. We are better people for what we have gone through oh how we have learned and how we have grown.

So now what..... well test first whew that is nerve racking but Jesse will do great he is such a smart guy he leaves in the morning and heads to the library to study till 5 everyday. So we will keep that up till his test on September 1st (any prayers our way for this would be WELCOMED!) After which we will move to BOISE IDAHO!! we are actively looking for homes and eagerly await that magical home that will become our new haven from this hard world we live in. One that we can welcome daddy home with open arms EVERY night no more travels no more long study nights exciting times ahead my friends and we step forward with our heads held high our hearts filled and with a unwavering faith in our Heavenly Father that he knows best he is there and he is always watching down on our family.

WE GOT OUR JOB!!!!

Well after literally MONTHS of applying to literally HUNDREDS of jobs we FINALLY have settled on the one we are going to go with ....ready ......drumroll please.......BOISE IDAHO!!!!

we had no idea we would be staying in Idaho honestly we thought that we would end up across

country in some random place but much to our surprise our first interview we went to was the one we decided to go with.

We went to a few different interviews the furthest being in Iowa and then on in Aberdeen countless phone interviews from Texas, Arizona, Montana the list goes one but when all was said and done it was Boise that totally won us over we had such a good peacefull feeling there. We thought at first that it was the initial excitement with the first interview but as things went on nothing compared to a few choice moments that we had there in Boise we truly feel that it is the next step of our life with our beautiful family. So now what right Heather is 8 months pregnant and doing well the day we found out about Boise she had a slight misstep and ended up in the ER to get her contractions stopped but she is doing better now aside from the flu she has on top of it.

We are now 9 days out from the countdown of GRADUATION!!! we will post pics and such when those shindigs go down thanks for reading and thank you for all your prayers they have helped so much in this crazy journey that we have taken.

My little teachers....

Last night was like any other night here at this grand hotel...

We have family prayer and then Jesse and I head to the hot tub down the hall for a few minuets before I come back and pass out on the bed... this night was different though, Jesse and I had been talking about jobs and where to go and where the best place to raise our babies was. We also talked about money and well basically everything that goes along with finishing school and moving on in life. Well we walked in to quite a lil scene Landon was up praying soon the other 2 boys joined him and they humbly prayed to Heavenly Father that daddy would get a job. That he would find a job that made him happy and we could raise our family at, it was such a tender moment my heart nearly burst with pride and love for these little teachers.

They hear our everyday little stresses and as soon as they have a moment they kneel in prayer while myself and Jesse talk it out together which is also a great thing I learned last night it is sometimes better to kneel humbly and ask for the help THEN talk it out.

Also that my little ones have mighty good hearing..........

Sooo further update on the Mumms! well we were going to be sending Jesse off to Texas for an interview this weekend, however, plans change as they always do and tomarrow we are headed to the coast of Washington for an interview. Life really consists of studying for the PANCE for Jesse and interviewing but we are happy and try to stay calm and collected with our hearts open as to where the best place for us is. We will do as our children and kneel more often and hopefully all will work out soon for us. We appreciate any prayers and thoughts that have come our way and hope they keep coming as we need all they help we can get!

All this up and down....

We recently made a trip just the 2 of us Jesse and I, to Mason City Iowa

It was fun to get away just him and I it has been a long long time since that had happened and we had a wonderful time. Jesse once again just aced his interview they had us all go out to dinner and we were able to meet all these amazing people. I felt so blessed to become aquainted with them and loved their attitudes and kindness towards us. There is no doubt it would have been a great place to work for.... we were also able to spend time with my parents which was wonderful as I dont think they have ever really been around me when I have been around 8 months pregnant (I know any of you who know me are still shaking their heads that I even went with my high risk pregnancies but all went well I promise) it was great to look at houses with them and see them. Now I know you all sense a but in here.... it was wonderful as far as the work went, however I dont know if this is the place for us. We drove around talked to alot of people and I just don't know if I felt it there. So we will keep going keep our options open and our hearts as well and see where this crazy journey is going to take us to next, Jesse is suppossed to fly out to Texas next week and then interview in Aberdeen as well. We still have as of yet to hear anything from Boise as the main guy who is in charge apparently left for vacation and wont be back till August 2nd ARGH! so we will wait and wait for that answer.

As for the hotel here I am back in this one room wonder but it feels good to be once again reunited with my children we missed them so much! my heart fills when I think or talk about them I feel so grateful that I am blessed with them in my life while they are little stinkers they make my life what it is. So onward we go trusting that the good Lord will lead us to where we can raise our children and settle down.

SELLING OUR HOMESTEAD!

Well we knew this time would come someday....

the day you let go of your first home, the home you raised most all of your babies in the home you think of often and with a smile on your face. It is time to move on though, we are off to a new adventure, a new career, a bigger family, and thus it is time to put our beloved home on the market.

What do you get with this home well a good feeling first of all as it was a very well loved home filled with childrens laughter and joy. You get a home that is safe from traffic and a home with beautiful sunsets, a home that has been loved and cared for that has seen good days and bad days. You get about 1683 sq ft of cozy happy living perfect for the starter family!

This home has 4 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms the master bath includes a jetted tub seperate shower and the master bedroom has a nice walk in closet. The kitchen is only a few years old and the hard floors are just as new. We are going to list the home at $110,000 but if you get back to me soon we are willing to give you a smoking deal if realtors dont have to be involved if you know anyone who is looking for a great home have them give me a call 208-201-5150 any spread of the word is appreciated!

The first interview!

Well as alot of you know this week we made our first trip for an interview where you ask we went to Boise Idaho! we went for a couple reasons one for my tooth and the bigger one was THE INTERVIEW!

So first things first my dentist... went in and took a look and was just in shock at how shoddy the work was that the dentist had done on my tooth. She said there was to much filling that had eventually cracked my tooth and whats more somehow once she got the filling out I had nerves like hanging down from my tooth. She said if I was not in such a hurry we would take a couple days to fix it and warned me it was going to be very painful due to the nerves. So took a deep breath and after she gave me around 6 shots of novacain 3 which were through the ROOF of my mouth gahhhh! she started her work it was insanely painful I could feel it in my toes and for some reason (dentist was guessing that it was I was pregnant) my body was metabolizing the novacain really REALLY fast so she was working as fast as she could. We ended up with a composit filling (thank you dentist im really only approved for the silver stuff with medicaid gotta love that!) but she was kind enough to upgrade me and 3 hours later with a VERY sore mouth I was over and out with a shiny new tooth oppossed to the half of one I had earlier...

So Jesse rushed me home drugged me up with tylenol ect and by then I just wanted to sleep it off I helped as much as I could with him getting ready and he was off to his interview. First of all bar none most handsome man EVER he looked awesome and I know hes smart but looking at him before he left I could see how much we had grown and how more specifically how much he has grown and it just made me SO darn proud of him! So the interview lasted from 12-4 pm and it went without a hitch he really loved the practice the doctors and Jesse all got along and all in all he knows it really could not of gone any better so we are praying hard they sense that as we fell in LOVE with Boise!

The next day we went with our real estate agent and looked at houses all day LONG from 9 am till 5 pm feels like we went to five THOUSAND houses but it was so good. We really got a feel for what we liked and what we wanted. We did end up finding a house that we absolutely loved it is a foreclosure and it is just huge and beautiful! plenty of room for our growing family it sits on 2.3 acres and only 3 miles from Lake Lowell which has THE MOST amazing beach and things to do very well upkept and just breathtaking! we looked at this house and we could just SEE raising our babies in it. SOOO no we go about somehow trying to get our ducks in a row so that if by a miracle we get offered this job we will more then likely jump on this house. If everything went perfectly we could hopefully get in it before baby girl is born and THAT would be a dream come true! anyhoo that is the latest from the news here.

We are now back in our little hotel room but I am thankful to be back for a few reasons so no complaining here.... it makes me realize more and more that home is not how big it is or how pretty it is it is literally where your family is that is home. So for now Im home.

The adventure continue....

Well we are here as you all well know

In good ole Vancouver Washington, hanging out in hotel rooms, malls, and the dearest of friends houses and apartments. So far I really cannot complain at all we have definately had some interesting experiences but at this point they just make me laugh, shake my head, or a little bit of both. Take our neighbors in our hotel just across the way.... we knew they were smoking illegal substances (they tried to clear it up that pot was legal in Washington for the right reasons... yeah ok dude.) We tried to ignore the smells of that, cigarettes, and alcohol YUCK! then we noticed that the girl was taking different men into her room Im talking like in one night Jesse and I counted six different men going in the room with her....so of course we all kinda knows what that means so the next morning Jesse went to the front manager to just see what the deal was. Luckily, they were kicking them out that day so we are happily neighbor free without all the smells and sounds of them around us anymore.... I won't lie I felt so very sad for the girl she had to be my age around 26 maybe even a little younger with this guy who is in his late 30's or 40's ... it just makes me hurt for her I wanted to shake her and tell her she has a choice to move on and start a life but who knows where she stands on it all. So I take a deep breath and pray that I can raise my children to know what they are worth and what they deserve and to stay away from people like that....in my opinion those people are just life suckers they suck all the good out and you are left miserable and alone.

Anyways we have so many amazing adventures coming up, this weekend being the first HUGE one Jesses first interview!!! wahooooo!!! it happens to be in Boise, ID which is where we had kind of hoped to end up lots of good hospitals we are close to the mountains still and low cost of living. Shortly after that was set up we got called in for another interview in Mason City, Iowa now keep in mind Iowa was about the last place I wanted to end up. I am not trying to be mean I just prefer dry heat to humidity and moutains to hills but ...this place sounds amazing and thus far they are flying not only Jesse but me to this place and renting a car for us and wining and dining us...so you cant help but wonder if that is how they treat you for an interview they either put up a good front or they are a great company to work for.... Soo we will see what happens all in all our goal is to leave Portland Oregon with Jesses masters degree and hopefully a job lined up. I always kind of felt like when we came back it would be to pack and get ready to move and have a baby pretty much at the same time.

Speaking of baby sweet little girl is doing well she is growing (which means I am as well ick) she is very active and developes her own lil personality more and more each day. Health wise I have been doing great! I have the occassional braxton hicks but other then that problem free knock on wood. I know with these upcoming traveling trips Ill have to cross my fingers and pray alot that things will work out and she will stay where she is suppossed to stay gosh dangit I want a full term baby first and last time. The kids get more and more excited and love to point out how big there mom is to different strangers....gotta love that.

We also have a trip going to a beach cabin the next weekend oh man I am SO SO excited for that so while this hotel room is tough to hang out in somedays we have been so busy with so many places to go I cant complain we are having a blast here and most importantly we are together as a family and I LOVE LOVE LOVE that!

8 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!!!

Holy Cow.... 8 years I mean to those married couples out there that it has been over a decade long 8 years doesnt seem like a huge number but wowza I think what I am most shocked over is how fast that eight years has gone by..... and what we have done and gone through in those eight years. We have 4 beautiful children and one just about ready to enter the world.... we have a house, we almost have completed a masters degree, we have had about what...five hundred canines in and out..., we have moved what seems like five thousand times but in reality is....about 7 times and soon to be 8 times when we move for our new life and new job.

We have faced unbearable heartbreaks including injury, NICU time with babies, a horrendous burn, the loss of a finger, internal bleeding that almost cost my life, we have literally had no money, we have been pretty well off in money, we have laughed and cried together... but through it all every single moment of those eight years I can tell you that we loved each other. Have we fought oh yeah every healthy couple does but we always make up I cannot bare to stay mad at him. Jesse is my best friend, my sweetheart, my eternal companion and everything that I could ever hope for in a man. Oh boy I can be mushy about it but thats what makes it so fun even in the hard times. We have been apart for a large part of 2009-2010 even when he was at home he was still studying and away but now we are closing this HUGE HUGE chapter in our life. We are finishing school, we are finishing up on our baby years, and we are getting our first job that is a career for Jesse.

Where will we go? who knows...we currently have 2 interviews in July one Mason City, Iowa ( I know Iowa right but at least Im right by Minnisota ;0) ) and the other one is in Boise, Idaho. Seeing as how I have sent out hundreds of resumes it is all worth it when Jesse is getting calls of so many people interested. I know that we will rely strongly on our hearts and go where Heavenly Father wants us to go. Listen to that small voice in our hearts that tells us where the right place is for our family. It is interesting thinking that in about 4 months we could pretty much be anywhere in United States..

Sooo anyhoo back to the anniversary I had to write it out about how blessed and how wonderful my hubby is. He is all dreamed of, he is all I want, and I am so glad that on July 3rd, 2002 he decided to take me to the temple to make me his forever and to forever seal our family. I love that the most that we are a family forever not just till death do u part but forever. I love you Jesse forever and always thanks for choosing me and Happy Anniversary my love....

New State ...New Place...

whos got the bigger belly ? ;0) def me!



We are finally here in the great state of Washington

It was quite the journey to get here mind you.... Jesse and I woke up around 3am on Sunday morning to try and make descent time to Washington. Between the 4 kiddos and a big pregnant lady it was a LONG day! The doctor told me I needed to stop every 2 to 3 hours to stretch and walk around but even with doing that my feet were probably twice the size by the time we got into our new home sweet home that night.. We did run into some horrible traffic there was a older Ford truck hauling a NICE and pretty new toy hauler that must have burst into flames and lit the whole moutainside on fire. The truck and trailer were completely destroyed I hope the people all made it out safely. We were able to make it to the Nys house around 6ish and thank heavens they had a delicious dinner waiting for us. So we basicially ate and ran because we were anxious to get all set up in our new quarters for the next 5 weeks.

We are staying at the Days Inn it is literally in the parking lot of a huge mall my own personal temptation right there staring at me everyday ha ha its ok though after selling so many things to get money to last us until Jesse gets a job I really dont have alot of desire to go spend any money. One of those benefits of learning and sacrafice I supposse.

We have been enjoying our motel though the room is a pretty good size it has a pool and hot tub that are pretty nice and its quiet so Jesse can study every free second he has. Most importantly it is SO nice to be with my husband I have missed him so much and the further I have gotten along pregnancy wise the more emotional I was getting being all alone.

We were also able to take new family pictures thanks to my amazing sissys they came out and did a phenomonal job taking pictures and catching the essence of US and we got a few really good ones shows our growth in so many ways!

Other then that life is good we may be in a tiny room but we are together as a family and I think my children can attest that we dont mind being in the small quarters the important thing is that we are all TOGETHER they have missed there dad so much and I have missed my other half so I am so thankful that we are able to be together this last rotation and for graduation wahooooo we are almost done!!!! more to come later!!

To My Three Fathers.....

HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO ALL!!!

my kiddos special swings they still about to this day!So happy that their Pepaw made them their OWN swing at his house!

I am sitting here alone late at night thinking about the importance of tomarrow.....

The celebration of fathers around the world takes place and I get the pleasure and the privilage to think of the three fathers that I personally have in my life and feel so blessed to know them and to love them.

Of course my first father is my daddy....yep I call him Daddy Im a grown woman with almost 5 kiddos but you know what I still call him that. Growing up we did NOT see eye to eye however we did still have our special times and moments. I learned alot from him he was a hard worker I remember from such a young age him working so hard so that we could have a comfortable lifestyle.... I remember when he was a janitor at the schools I would LOVE to go play in this ball pit and he would buy me a soda the kinds that came in the glass bottles and we would sit and talk if he had time and he would ask me about my day and he was just my daddy then..... and as a small child my best friend..... I remember he would bring me home books that I would just DEVOUR I loved to read with such a passion there were very few times my dad would tell me no on a book and with that wonderful gift I am able to read very fast and whats better comprehend it.... It is one talent I have developed that my husband envies so thank you dad thank you for that wonderful gift. Fast forward growing up my dad meets my future husband and at the tender age of 18 he lets his baby girl go to this man and get married.... He didnt know Jesse very well then but I think in his heart he has always loved him and now I am so happy to say that I consider my Daddy one of my closest friends that I have.... I love our talks on the phone I love hearing about his day and his jewelary and his cute lil puppies....and now my wonderful babies get to love my dad and call him Pepaw and they LOVE LOVE their Pepaw and miss him SO much.... So dad my heart is with you today you were the first man in my life the one who started it all and I love you .... I love how you love and care for me and even to this day when I get in a pinch you are there to help pick me up along with mom I am so blessed Happy Fathers Day I wish I was there baking you some dinner kicking back and watching some moview......

So now to the second father in my life my father in law..... I think it was hard for him when I started dating Jesse. He had seen his beloved son get his heart broken and was unsure of a new girl in his life. So we worked through our relationship and I will never forget how he welcomed me into his open arms as a father the day that my love and I were sealed in the temple. It was with such power and love it still remains one of my favorite memories that I have with him. He has taught me so many things that I never even thought I would have wanted to know and has shown me the many beauties of nature and animals and eh hem....motorbiking trails and I am forever grateful for that. The thing I treasure most about this great man is that he has risen the most amazing son he has taught him many admirable and wonderful traits that I adore in Jesse and I am eternally grateful to him for this. I will love him till the end of time because he is a part of my eternal family and more directly he is part of my husband. So thank you Happy Fathers Day I am so glad I get to celebrate with you. Thank you for helping Jesse and I on this insanely difficult journey of life and more recently PA school you have helped in so many ways and shown so much kindness I am so eternally grateful to you.

Then of course there is the third father of my life .... which of course is my love the man I am with forever and always. I have never been more thankful for a man that is so generous, kind, and loving as he is. He is literally the most kind and patient man with our children he loves them with no restraint. He is what I would picture for the perfect dad and I am SO thankful that I am able to watch this and be his wife throughout this journey of parenthood. The only thing that makes me happier is that he is my companion through life he is my best friend, my love, my confidant, and my guardian.... I love him with every ounce in my soul.....

There is one more group of fathers to mention this fine and wonderful day... they are the men that were so father like to me growing up and even now. There were a few special men in my life that I so looked up to and admired them and still do. There are men to this day that show me different merits of life that cannot be shown anyway else but by example. So here is to all you fathers out there I love you thank you and HAPPY FATHERS DAY!!!

It is just one of those days....

I woke up today to screaming

That is how my day started.... followed in rapid order 2 beds that had been peed in a girl who had ripped off her nighttime diaper and peed on the floor and a little 3 year old boy pitching a fit on the floor due the starvation he was apparently under going before my very eyes....

Then Kyran felt that to stop that hitting would be the best option so he hit him and walked away really proud of himself until he saw that I had witnessed this event. That is when he said IT WAS AN ACCIDEDNT!!! ok Kyro how was it an accident.... MY HAND SLIPPED...... did it now...... grrrrr so as I walk him to timeout so I can take my own timeout seeing as how this all happened in a period of 10 minuets and already I wanted to crawl in bed and transport to some beach where there were no screaming children outside and one very active kicking baby inside. Breathing ....breathing some more so then talk to the hubby and thats when the waves of just lonely sad feelings come and just hit me and I cry I cry like I had never cried till I made myself sick......

Sooo that was my morning I decided it was a day to ask for help but unfortunately that did not work out people were busy and to be frank I can be a bit stubborn asking for help. I do not want to impose on anyone ever or make them feel used or anything like that .... So I suck it up that was followed by naptime and then miracle upon miracle my close friend calls and comes to the rescue. She didnt even hesitate she just said she was coming over .... then another friend calls a few times in a row worried about me.... and I feel this wonderful feeling of love. I know I have the love of my family and I am so thankful for that but sometimes it is so wonderful to have those friends that are literally your family as well.... That KNOW when something is wrong they hear it in your voice and see it on your face they know all your signals. Almost as much as your husband and for some strange reason it makes you feel close to him. So thank you to the friends that stepped out today warmed my heart and soul and made this day bearable and even fun. I love you all and appreciate your prayers in this last little bit of the journey.

Trip to COLORADO!!!

COLORADO TRIP 2010!!!!!!!!

My babies!!!

So I am sure if you are on facebook you saw that we took a big trip to Colorado with Jesse and stayed with him while he worked away.....

It was a charming little house just about 900 sq feet VERY cozy for 6 plus one roomate later on... one thing about Colorado that I had forgotten (don't as me HOW I had forgotten but I did...) It is HOTTER THEN HADES!!! and after having a rather cool summer here in Idaho (thank you thank you thank you!! my pregnant body thanks you Idaho!) going from 50's and 60's to 95 degrees everyday was a HUGE change so needless to say I lived on popsicles right along with the kiddos.

We got to do so many fun things while we were there since Jesse was working 6pm-3 am hed come home and sleep till about 8:30-9:00am and we would go play for the rest of the day.

One adventure we took off to the mountains we didn't really know where we were going but ended up at this mountain trail called "Gunnison Trails" so we decided to take a leisurely walk (ha ha ha leisurely walk in 95 degree weather yeah right....) so we walk around the base and start the slow climb and noticed on our sides lizards just darting everywhere the boys were THRILLED! so then we started climbing up rocks getting higher and higher I admit it I was having to much fun to notice how high we were getting and the views were INCREDIBLE. I didnt stop to see how far I had come till we saw a couple that passed us and the girl said you are one BRAVE lady. I turned around and saw how high we were and decided I had gone far enough ....but of course my boys had to go to the top so Riya and I hung out in the shade while they finished up. Going up is SO SO much easier then coming down I forget that seeing my feet is difficult these days! after that we headed home .....

Oh my that was a steeep climb for such a big belly!!!

Next adventure was DINOSAUR QUARRY! they had dug out a few dinosaurs here and we were anxious to see the old mines and the remaining fossil bits. It was suppossed to be about 1 mile but ended up more like 2 miles with our big stroller we had to come up with some creative ways to get around some of the rougher trail... thank heavens for my man I was so scared when he had the stroller like that I stood at the bottom in case he slipped so I could grab them before they hit the steeper part but PHEW all went well and we all went home and enjoyed some ice cream GREAT DAY!!!

He had it all under control but still....

Do you see Jesse and the stroller I was flipping out .... my babies were in there!

Dinosaur quarry climbed up this big rock and were "flying"

Then came the great lizard hunt... the boys just begged us to go back and catch some lizards so of course we had to go back..... With strawberry containers in hand Jesse and I snuck up and managed to catch 3 huge lizards one which unfortunately escaped when our stroller tipped over. The boys named them Pheneus and Ferb and we had so much fun watching them eat and hang out.... After a few days though we decided to return them back to nature and the boys were so sad but understood...

This is Ferb

and then here is Pheneus.

Our final hike was to the Rattlesnake Arches... I had read the trail guide and it had said it was pretty easy going so for me big ole prego lady that sounded great! We start out on Sunday we thought it was a easy trail so it would be a leisurely day oh boy.... then we drove some more and some more.... and these roads were not nice roads some straight up verticle putting out Yukon in 4 wheel drive roads! after 3 hours of driving we finally get to the trail head and I am hurting a little bit hard to balance yourself in a big old car like that with a baby kicking you from the inside and the road kickin your bum from the outside. We take this beautiful hike and it is fairly easy and GORGEOUS this is where we got the arch pictures I would love to do it again... when not pregnant that is! on the way back in went faster but I started contracting fairly regular so we got home got me my meds and luckily they stopped pretty fast once I was out of the car PHEW won't do that again! but the memories we made were priceless I will always remember this trip it was amazing!

He really is so handsome Im so dang lucky!

Then there was the roomate that came back.... he wasn't suppossed to be back we don't even know why he was there really.... he was the weirdest guy EVER and a slight alcoholic on top of it .... now I have no problem with what people do I really try not to judge but please don't come home reaking of alcohol to a pregnant lady while telling her you are perfectly capable of driving home when you cannot even stand up straight much less miss that wall you hit smack on. I have known to many people who have lost their lives driving drunk or being hit by a drunk and that heartache is not worth it YOU should know this DOCTOR grrrr ......

Anyhoo the last night we had a long conversation about what he wants to do with his life which is quite nobel he wants to implement health care into schools from kindergarten till graduation so people are not so clueless about things they DO have control over especially the big one we are faced with these days obesity .... he was telling me the facts (I think) and they are staggering he said our young children are getting diabetes in elementary school our kids are getting STD's in ELEMENTARY school good gracious I almost passed out. After making a mental note to have a long talk with Landon SOON I bid him goodnight and wished him well. He did his stuff and I headed to the bathroom because Im pregnant and thats what I do.... walk in and SLIPPPP! oh man ....please dont tell me ..... yep this guy peed on the floor not just a lil bit ALOT so after cleaning up DOCTORS pee and taking a scalding hot shower grumbling the whole time I went to bed. Next morning it was SO hard not to mention my horrifying incident in the bathroom but I was polite sigh.... seriously what a way to end out the vacation right!

So all in all GREAT MEMORIES and GREAT TIMES and most importantly I was able to hang out with my handsome man .... I am so proud of him I look and see how he has grown during all this intense schooling and heart swells with pride. We are SO close to graduation and moving onto the next step. The house, with the white picket fence, a few dogs, a million kids (this is my fantasy not yours ha ha) and I am SO anxious and feel so blessed we get to graduate and shortly after welcome our sweet baby girl into the world how lucky are we! so here is to vacations, stories, lizards, and hopefully surviving to the end!!!

you know we snuck in time to check out the local mall and shops! ahhh so fun to have a girl!!!

What can I say.... he's my man and I love him to pieces! even with this face ;0)

oh my heart was breaking!
There he is with his backwards sling...

2nd kiddo to the ER...

Well it happened... again..... I honestly thought it would be lil Kyran that ended up in the hospital again before the others but no.... little Zade thought he would be a daredevil and go there..... What happened? I know thats what I had to ask since I was not there to witness the actual event all I had was my 7 year olds explanation of how it all went down.

It all started with a trampoline (dang you trampoline all these years with no broken bones and injuries and now that record is ruined!) I hear some crying but that is a normal thing and then Landon screaming for me to come. So I booked it out there and Kyran is crying even harder I assume it is him that is hurt but no it is Kyran that had caused the wreck. Apparently they were wrestling Kyran grabbed Zades wrist twisted it and all 2 boys fell on Zade and Landon heard a funny noise. That was followed with a brief explanation how a dog was barking in the distance oh how I love kiddos explanations of everything.

Zade was trying to be tough but by the time I got him off the trampoline he was just sobbing that I am hurt bad kind of sobbing..... I almost teared up myself carried him inside that is when I noticed him clutching his lil arm and it was swelling up FAST! So we got some ice and I asked him to move his arm no luck and arm is still swelling so we pack it up and call Hiedi and then Katy and Jedd. Thank HEAVENS Katy came to the rescue it would have been NO fun to drag all 4 kiddos to the ER so she took two and I took Kyran so he could see what being so rough with his brothers and sisters could cause. So off we go and of COURSE the ER is just packed with people but they get Zade right in and he is still just sobbing.... His arm is just swollen and red they are almost positive it is broken won't give us meds for him to help because they are thinking he may need surgery. So we wait....and wait.....and then some more waiting I think 2 or 2 ambulances came in while we were there they get him xrayed and say well he may or may not have a fractured wrist. So they cast him up in a special splint and the PA student who did it was so busy asking me about jobs that I had found for Jesse he started putting the casting on backwards grrrrrrrr. I asked him to please pay attention to my child they got that on he started putting his sling on backwards so he had to redo that .... so finally we are done and Zade is just screaming and the doctor turns and says "If it was me Id be drinking a gallon of whiskey tonight" I was not a happy girl with that comment and replyed if his arm hadn't been messed with so much he would probably not be screaming so much. So we left with a very sad Zade and gathered the kiddos and went home. Zade didnt sleep much at all that night he was in so much pain it broke my heart but the night after he did so much better and now he had discovered he can use his arm as a weapon so I think all in all he is tickled pink with his new accessory.

I am so thankful it was just that and it keeps me humbled as to my children are my life in all ways they come first. I would have gladly given my arm up for Zade but unfortunatley I could not do that and makes me think about the future. How my kids are all gonna hurt and have their hearts broken I will want to take it for them but will not be able to much like all parents. Including our Heavenly Father he sees us all hurt and go through painful experiences both physically, emotionally, and spiritually but he gives us the greatest gift and lets us grow from them how we will. While that may be bitterness and resentment that we grow or if we think it through it is love an forgiveness and the sweet calm and purity that grow with it slowly but surely if we let it. So here we go kiddos yes go play and be kids try not to hurt one another but if you do I am here to fix you physically and help heal that hurt heart but ultimately if I can show you to turn to your Father in heaven for the healing of your soul I will be a success as a mother and will rest easy.

My angelic kiddos....

So here I am again this pregnant lady alone with my loving husband away at work and the kiddos all put to bed. I look at them and I am convinced that they are perfect little angels and sigh and think THIS right here is why I do it everyday. I get up early and give them breakfast and clean them and love them even when they are stinkers right here I know that God gave me 4 angels that will be someone. They will always be a son to me, they will be a brother or sister, they will be a grandson, they will be a husband, and whoever it is that they will become it will be great.

Then there is that overwhelming thought of my part in what they become will I guide them? will I push them in the correct way or come off to harsh or smothering..... will they remember the tender moments that I loved them and told stories to them or will they remember when I was weak and yelled at them or became angry at them. I look back on my own upbringing and remember the good and the bad and what I want to take from those experiences and make into my own parenting style. Then I take a deep breath and thank heaven that I have such a good and wonderful man that is by my side to calm me down and be an example in his own way and I know he thinks the same things.

Then I take it a step further and think about my Heavenly Father was he this frantic does he still think the same things when we are in bed not wreaking havoc out in the world? He loves every single one of us with all his heart I know he does I have felt it and I will never deny that. Does he think hopefully Heather will do better tomarrow it will be a fresh start and she will start out right and rested as I so often think about with my own children... Will she remember what I have taught her will she listen to that small voice in her heart or will she be stubborn and push the harder way through this particular lesson. I think of the hard times I have been through and how I have handled them and I have the startling realization that my children have apparently learned more then me. When someone hits or pushes them they forgive almost instantly can I say that? no it has taken me months and years to forgive some that have hurt me... When I make a mistake I constantly think about it over and over in my head replaying it and getting mad at myself for making that mistake. My darling children make a mistake and when they realize it will come and apologize, give kisses and hugs, and go on their merry little way usually learning.

So here I am thinking about my children and how I can teach them and I realize it is them that have taught me in the ultimate way...... The way of the Savior there is a reason that he said "Be like the little children" if only we would simplify our thinking and lives we can become more like them and him all at once. So now I am smiling because I have 4 beautiful angels that are more like the savior then I and one on the way.... Perhaps the reason I have so many children is because I need that many examples in my life..... I love you Landon, Kyran, Zade, Riya, and Baby Girl thank you for being the inspiration and beautiful examples to me that you are.

I am so proud of you Jesse

my beautiful family
camping ok no shower fun hike down though!
ahhhhh the beach!
yeah we were really tired what can I say
ahhh home sweet home right before my baby left on his rotation! one of the many that is!
So seriously

I think that you all my hurl with all my cheesiness and mushiness lately I am convinced it is the pregnancy hormones kicked up to full throttle.... but this week my heart and my eyes have turned to my amazing husband and all he does. I mean seriously he has given so much and has so much on his plate that I am sure he feels crushed with pressure.

He has given up time with his kids, wife, and lots of time from his home to pursue schooling so that we all may have the best future possible. If I had made a list of the perfect husband and given it to Heavenly Father he would still be more then I had ever hoped for. He is kind to me and has been so understanding and loving to me even when I am stubborn and hormonal, he is the most amazing father he is stern but loving and his boys absolutely adore him and Riya well forget about it she is a daddys girl through and through, he spoils me rotten more so then I should be but is always striving to make me happy. Through tough stuff he has held my hand and always made me his number one priority in other words I love this man so much.

With fathers day approaching I hope that my kids sit back just for a minute and realize how lucky they are and know how special their daddy is. He is my hero and I am married to him which so mushy and cheesy but it is the truth. So here is to all the amazing husbands and fathers out there take a day and realize that more then likely your wives think the exact same of of you. To my love I love you more then the day before and will continue to love forever and always.

My heart is full.....ode to mom :0)

I have been thinking ... alot lately about life ... about family... about trials things that we trudge through thinking our world is literally crumbling around us only to be brought to the realization this is normal. We are not picked on .... we are not cursed ..... or unlucky for that matter... I have many times labeled myself as this unlucky one the one everything happens too.... Yes oh man we have gone through many many trials sometimes it seems they are so much larger and harder then others but then I look at others that I would in no way want to switch places with.

We are prepared as a young child for what comes into our future. I think about watching my mother you see we never got along never saw eye to eye. We said hurtful things and fought many nights. It was hard but on the flip side I dont think my mother realizes the things that I pulled from her and how she shaped me in ways I dont think she realizes. First of all I am adopted it is well known I have always known since day one that I had a biological mother but my mom never batted an eye when introducing me as HER daughter she shaped me to have a very positive outlook on adoption and made me want to adopt someday. When I was older and told it would be hard for me to have children I never batted an eye because I knew it would be the same luckily I was blessed enough to be very able to have my beautiful children but I have a very warm place for adoption. Next my mother is smart I mean like beyond smart she takes great pride in her education and teaching. She taught children with disabilites for as long as I can remember and I was able to help and be around those children frequently opening my heart to them it was never an ackward thing to be around children with disabilities I thought they were special and protected and that made me love them more. Then low and behold I give birth to my 3rd baby and at 18 months he is diagnosed with autism... did I crumble absolutely I cried and got mad that I was "picked on" I had many doctors and counselers and therapist throwing words and names and labels at me it was hard. Thankfully I was prepared from my childhood and you know what turns out my baby boy has made MILES of progress and he is the absolute joy and love of my life. He is that big sweet teddy bear that loves without control those he bonds with he never forgets it has been months since he saw his grandpa or pepaw and he still asks where he is and misses him. So there Mom look at that look how you have shaped me we still don't always see eye to eye but here I am a mother of almost 5 gorgeous children married for all eternity to the love of my life. I am grateful I was sent to you and dad it was hard yes but you know what if that was what I had to do all these trials I have gone through and will continue to go through well it is worth it .... because in the end I have my beautiful family all of whom I love. We get in fights, we hurt, we say hurtful things, but then we forgive and have a beautiful knowledge that we have grown. Throughout these 2 years if I can say anything about it all to sum it up it would be that I have grown more then I could have ever thought. We were sent to Portland for a reason... I am in Rexburg Idaho for a reason we are all entertwined in the complex beautiful plan and I am so thankful..... so there it is me spilling my guts in ode to mothers day or maybe its just a brief moment of clarity in this crazy thing we call life. I want all to know I am so grateful for my life my family and the beautiful gospel without my savior I would not have made it these past 2 years I know he listened to me when I was hurting I know he is there to pick up the pieces he is there plain and simple.